12-12-12

So the day arrived where we met with Children's Aid. It started at 945, ended at 1, and by the end, I think the only word to express my thoughts was shock.

Starting from the beginning: We spoke about ourselves, our families, our dreams, our vision of what our family would be like, what we would do together, who would take parental leave etc...

Then came CAS' turn to speak; to describe the babies; how sweet Isaac [names changed for privacy], age 5 was. How he was a protective big brother with a great sense of humour once he warms up and a beautiful smile, coupled with a little bit of anxiety over the whole situation. With fears of disapproval, unacceptance, thoughts around "are they going to like me" ... and a huge heart that just wants a forever family and stability that he so deserves. And then there's Naomi, age 4... a mimic to her brother, a strong support when he gets down, loves to dance and enjoys music, has a beautiful smile, and sweet disposition and who looks for praise and affirmation from her foster parents.

And in my head, I keep thinking, I can do this! I can be that affirmation! We can give them a forever family! I like music, and jokes, and smiles and ... We can do this! Or can we???

Wait... can I be a "parent" to a 5 yr old boy and 4 year old girl?!?! Can I discipline and couple that with love?!? Can I pack lunches and read them to sleep? Can I answer the 5 million "why" questions? Waaaaait a minute! How the heck do I parent School Kids?!?!?!

[in enters  'shock']