I hate days like these. The days where it seems so...normal and then your world gets turned upside down.
Tonight, one of my babies passed away.
the day started like any other, I woke up to my boys fighting on my bed. Actually, I awoke from a migraine - potentially from the stress Milo gave me at doggie training yesterday. I got dressed and left for work, waiving at Milo who was in the backyard. I finished my day at work, stopped at the grocery store to grab a quick lasagna for dinner tonight and some other things and drove home.
Our plan: throw the lasagna in the oven for over an hour, and spend all of tonight working with the boys. Their doggie graduation is in two weeks and they're not fully ready - especially Milo, who played me for a fool yesterday hehehe.
What happened instead? I opened the door and Milo pushed his way threw. This happens somewhat often... I called for him, tried the whole "stay" thin, and off Milo went to the end of the driveway. I was calm, said "Milo come" like we were taught, he looked at me and came! I was so happy (since he never does that). I said "good come Milo!", patted his head, and then whipped from my grasp and ran again, across the street to Robin's house. "Okay" I thought, no biggie... "Milo, come"..."Milo, stay"...nada... he ran.
I called Marc to get the whistle...Milo ran towards Highway 10 - never ever does he run this way. Now I start to panic, I call for him, he's run out of sight, I'm hustling but not running, but I know my dog well enough to know he doesn't like being chased. I toot the whistle and wait anxiously. I see some neighbors and ask if they've seen him. They say no, which only means he went ON TO the highway. I lift my head only to see him ACROSS the hwy on the other side.
MY heart is racing...what do I do? How do I get to him without him doing anything stupid???? What do I do...I attempt to cross the hwy... against the light... I raise my hand for the cars to stop and just then, Milo sees his mommy...I tell him "stay!" I hold up my hand like I'm supposed to!!!! He doesn't stay, he runs towards me!!!! I stop two lanes! But the lane closest to him doesn't see me...or him.. He gets to the median, steps off the curb and then..... my heart stops as I hear the thump... I look.... my baby... my poor baby, laying, lifeless... at the side of the curb....
I run to him...lift him up and cradle him..."Milo... why....why....".
"Oh, Milo...my poor boy, my poor baby"
Cradled, gone on impact...lifeless....my baby.
I carry him across the street....cradled and held as tight as possible to me. Marc sees me..."No!!! Milo!!! Why????" I give him to Marc, rub his back and assure him, he didn't suffer one bit.
I call my Mom, tell her what happened; she'll be right over. I call the vet and ask them what I should do... they tell me to come. We debate whether to show Pugsley.... we sit in the car, cradling Milo...thinking what's best for the baby left behind? We call Sherri, if anyone will know, it's her...
we speak to one of her people and they guide us, "get Pugsley out of the room; lay Milo down in their sleeping quarters, cover him slightly. When this is done, let Pugsley back in and allow him to assess the body. He needs to know, and he needs to grieve"
We did what they said, Puglsey sniffed, observed... said his own good bye, and then we were off to the doctor's. We got there, said our good byes again, removed his collar... and departed.
Could I have done something different. Why didn't I hold him to the ground when he came back the first time, why did I let him out? Why didn't I chase him? Why did he run that way? Why was his little life cut so short? Was he happy? Did he love us? Did he know he was loved? Does he know he will be missed?
This I know: we loved him terribly. He added to my life. He added to me. He taught me patience, and perseverance, unconditional love after ruining so many material - USELESS things. Someone that entered our lives for such a short period has taught Marc and I so VERY VERY MUCH!!!!
Rest in Peace Baby, we love you!
Love,Mommy, Daddy and Pugsley
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