- One: it's therapeutic for me
- Two: it can serve to help others.
Theoretically... the way I've been writing... is moreso for me than for others. Sorry "others" !!!
The adoption overall... the "mission" to be a Mom... has not been easy. It's come with a great deal of pain... discouragement... sadness...emptiness... defeat... I'm pretty sure I could fill up a page. At the same time, the mission has strengthened me, beyond even my imagination's expectations. My faith in my God - whom I've adored forever, is at a level that I don't feel I could've arrived at, had I not gone along this path. Would I do it all the same if I had a choice? Umm... well... *scratches head* ... selfishly... I'm not confident to say yes on that one. So praise God for being in the driver's seat eh?
So, where do things stand with the adoption process today? Well, 7 months later, Marc and I have completed all the necessary home study interviews and provided all paper work necessary. In October, we were well in the mindset of applying to the Philippines internationally along with Children's Aid Peel.
There was some additional requirements Philippines needed - included in which was a psychological assessment, and my practitioner had requested I call Cornerstone to confirm whether the eval had to be done with a specific Dr. or whether I could go anywhere. So as I made that call on October 31, my disposition changed, and my heart dropped once again. We were informed of the answer to my question, but was also told that Philippines was no longer accepting applications until AT LEAST April 2013 as a result of the high volume of applicants.
So in doing the math, I realized, I would need to wait probably at best, well into 2016 to maybe be a mama. MAYBE!!! Wow... what a disappointment, and what a defeat to a mission that hadn't even really started - meaning, I'd not even submitted my application yet. I was SUPER dejected...
Thank God for Marc. After giving me some time to grieve, he reminded me that God was the controller. God continued to have our paths mapped, and our job was simply to follow and remain on course. He reminded me that in addition to Philippines, we still were applying to CAS, and perhaps, this is where God had wanted to lead us. In my mind, I agreed with all Marc had said except had little faith in CAS. Why? Well, at the info session, our Representative had informed us that the wait could be now tilll never... comforting words!
I spoke with my Practitioner, advised her of the Philippines details and she clearly knew I needed time to absorb. She'd asked me whether I had my heart set on PI, and I explained it wasn't a heart setting but rather, I'd seen it as my only hope due to the "now or never" comment. She sighed, looked at us and said, 'please take that with a grain of salt'. Unfortunately, they have to say this... there are many individuals that expect a baby very quickly, and don't realize the process involved, and as a result, CAS has been advised to sort of... "reality check" those applicants. - I am paraphrasing now but, that was the jist of it. So... that was a little more comforting - in addition to my voice-of-reason spouse!
And from there, we continued to trek along and life continued to get interesting...
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