My Friend Asks "How Are You?"

Simple question, eh? Mmhmm... 

Is the answer "fine"? or "good"?

Or is the answer, "well..."

What do you want to hear?! the Truth?

What if I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH?

...

The proverbial "dot, dot, dot".  

How am I? 

(If anyone else wants to field this question, the floor is yours)

Answer (?): Numb... 

STILL?!?!?

is this considered a "still" or... is this okay and normal? 

Am I normal???

thought: Numb = defence mechanism. 

But ...

What Comes After Numb?

(That, is a scary question... )

Pain, grief, acceptance, ... and closure.

As Anne and I spoke yesterday, the topic of God, praying, pain came up. I told her I will be fine, in time. I just need to let go, and part of the letting go, is giving the pain up to God. I think she was surprised I hadn't spoke to God about this...

Although my prayer walk with God has been good and consistent... this pain is something I don't talk to God about yet, and I have certainly not asked Him to take it away... 

Anne asked me why... *shrugs* I'm not too sure. Then she asked whether it was because... the act of giving it to Him would be like closing the book on this chapter (so to speak). 

*hmmm* 

She might be on to something. Which, by statement alone, makes my heart hurt. 

Releasing the pain means this is really done. And perhaps... I am not as ready as I think, to close the book on an already beaten to death topic...

Regardless, I am not okay. So that's my answer! How are you? = I am not okay.

Super! 

dot, dot, dot

now what?